A neverending story

Speak to me (part 1)

As I try to be me, you come back in my face and you know your smile always gets me. Our little small talk mesmerize me with the things you call “just being nice”. Get real, or get out. You don’t try and it does get to me. My voice weakens as I call your name because its not worth it. What is worth waiting for the day you call me again. The compliments are not worth it. If nothing is worth it, I don’t know what is.

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Strength and will

I am done being your lullaby every night. You used to tell me you loved me every day. It sickens me how we were once one because you are not deserving of me. Please, I know how to werk it. I definitely do not need you and your ways to persuade me back in your life. Do not grab me by the hand and try to catch my look I do when I know you mean it. Once you leave, I’ll fall and you’ll laugh. So please leave me alone forever. I already left long ago. Just don’t talk or walk towards me. You have the wrong person in your hands. Too bad I’m too strong for you.

Decisions. (Part 1)

Just be mine, is it THAT hard? Is it hard to come in my arms and tell me cute dreams of us running away together and how we’re going to live together forever. I don’t want you to leave. The feels hit this page called my diary. Who cares if anyone can see it, I sure don’t. I don’t know if you’re out there somewhere but I do know we’ll last forever. Just come back and lay beside me. We’ll take it from there.

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Insecurity

I was waiting to write about this. Being insecure and seeing girls insecure kills me inside. I don’t know how girls my age can live thinking their not perfect or not the right size. Honestly, insecurity is like a little butterfly that floats to every single girl and turns into a disease. For us and the whole world. It ruins us, just like celebrities who are perfect makes us feel worse. Insecurities are really stupid but the world needs to stop having image as a necessity and step your game up.

Breathe my words

I don’t know how to explain. I don’t even know why I’m still writing about you but the fact that my anger towards you makes my pieces flawless is halarious. Halarious because I never felt this way. You’re halarious because you think everything would be the same and we’re best buddies. Uh, no. Every song we shared is thrown out the door. I still have remainders of your stuff you bought me. I plan to get rid of because it used to make me smile. Now it’s just there to make feel low. Motive to do anything is gone. The good thing is that you don’t affect me anymore.

What we need. 👇

I left but you saw me three thousands times. You don’t even have a proper conversation with me. I don’t lie anymore when I say “I don’t care”. Guess what? I don’t and I find it so amusing how you assume I do. Get out of here. I don’t need you and the day you say “I need you, come back”, I’m going to laugh in your face and slam the door on you. That’s what you needed in the first place. I’m tired of being nice to you when I don’t need to.

Vulnerability

So, we’ve been arguing for a few days. Today you went too far. You started out with “you’re cute, sweet, I love you!” And ended with I hate you. You then pushed me away. This was exactly what I was afraid of. Well guess what? It was my birthday. You just had to mess it up and I know it’s the end. The ending without beginning. Simple as that.

The words

I love you, I just don’t know how you say it so easily to me when I can’t mutter it to you. It’s a wave of emotions which hit my face as I talk to you. I don’t know whether to control it or let go. You make me feel like a butterfly, I just can’t understand why. Just tell me you want to run away and I’ll kiss you goodbye.

Complications.

I don’t know what you want. We see each other, say hi and don’t speak. As soon as I see you, a rave of emotions hit me. And I don’t know what I want anymore because you don’t want me. You just want my attention. There’s not one day that I don’t think about you. It’s hard not to think about you.

Lost

Where are you? I can’t seem to find you, in this jungle called love. I see you but it’s blurry. I don’t know why you’re fading. I need you right now but your far. I can’t call you nor text. I’m swinging back and forth and I just don’t know which way to go. I just need you but you’re only near me half the time. So frustrating. I can’t talk to you, I’m just to afraid to. Just tell me you want me and I’ll walk away. Only then, you’ll understand what pain you are putting me through. And I can’t deny that I still love you. With all the anger I threw at you, I can’t apologize nor smile.

Rescue me

Where are you? I need you. It’s been days and tonight is when the dawn hits and I’m still crying. Can’t you see I need you? I’ve loved you blindly for years but now my eyes are in focus. Where were you during my deepest, darkest nights? The dark nights where I couldn’t sleep. I was in pain mentally and physically. Burnt up by your charm, which were lies. Please, save me once again. From the darkness I’m in. Our love was infinity. Please stay and rescue me. Our story isn’t finished in my mind. To me, your still mine. Not mentally or physically but in spirit.

Please don't go.

As I go to bed, I think of you and how we’ve departed from each other. I can’t say goodbye to you. You’re still a part of me and I know I always say this but I do miss you. Tears rushing down my cheeks hurt my skin. I feel horrible and sad. Throughout the day, I long to hear your voice. I can’t tolerate staying without you. We have that connection which is still fresh. I need the love you gave me. It was young love. Well, we’re still young, don’t go. You don’t know how much I miss the person you were. Can’t that person stay for tonight? Just tonight. Then I’ll set you free.

Glimpses

I know it’s wrong to love you but I do. I don’t know if it’s wrong to think about those memories but I can’t help it. They’re instilled in my heart. I can’t understand why I’m seeing these good images and avoiding the bad ones. I’m not like this. I always see two sides before doing anything. But you make me avoid the bad and adore the good. I smile at that dream I had last night. I don’t know what it meant for you. For me, I miss you like crazy. Craaazy. At this point I need you to need me. I wonder if I ever pop into your head. Probably not. You’re probably to busy to remember someone you shattered. Thats too bad because I could have made that dream I had come true.

Stop

Keep it here, with the rest of memories you gave me. That side where you lied and cheated. I knew if I trusted you to much, I would be destroyed but I let it happen. It’s weird thinking about you. All I want is one last hug before I leave again. Your touch still lingers towards my body. I have to leave once again because I was better off without you. I can’t cry anymore, the tears are wiped up from before. Thanks to you, I can’t breathe because you fill the space in my life. Please, hug me tight so I know you care. Make it last because I won’t be coming back. I’m sorry.

Shattered

I’m scared of letting you back in. Letting you back into my life where you bring her and leave me. I don’t know how many times I tried. Honestly, I do miss you. You were my strength. Knowing, I had a major change coming up, you let go. I won’t ever let you forget that. That night, I felt weak. That week, I felt lost. That month? You don’t wanna know. I tried and tried to forget you. It was impossible. I knew I needed time but when does it end? I thought I was over you but then the feeling I got when we talked was strange. I still felt a spark between us. I don’t know if you did. I’m broken glass, only you are my fix. I know you won’t be though because you walked away when I needed you the most.

Stumbled

I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what this is. I long for your attention. I don’t know why, I don’t know anything right now. Honestly, I want you back but then that thought could change. That day when I stumbled upon you, there was something different about the sparkle in your eye. I wonder if we travelled back in time, if you’d ever change your thoughts about being my guy. I die inside, thinking about you. You don’t care, you’ve changed. Tell me one thing; why did you let go? I wanted you forever. I would have gave you eve-everything. You chose her over me. I can’t believe you anymore. Not a word you say will wipe the tears I cry late at night. Don’t do this to me. I want to fix things. All I think about is you. Come close to me to clarify my heart and clear my tears. It’s dark in here, I need you for this lifetime. Please. Save my heart from crashing even more. You don’t know what you meant to me. I can’t go on without you.

That summer

You treated me special, like I was gold. We spent late summer nights texting each other. I wanted to tell you everything. I was so blessed to have you but then we just didn’t have that spark. I was with my girls, when I turned around you left. I couldn’t understand why you didn’t say a word. It was like figuring out what I wanted. You were so subtle. I don’t know what hurt the most-the fact that you didn’t think about me or the fact that I trusted you over and over. Hah, I feel stupid. I’m tired of you not caring. I’m done. I won’t see you in my next lifetime.

The times.

Those memories, the feelings and you are slowly coming back to me. I cant do this, I can’t do us. These memories you have given me are embedded in my soul. Why did you let me fall when you had no intention of being my pillow?  I remember the day you called my beautiful and the day you told me you love me. It was intense, telling you what you did wrong then entering the real world. Within seconds, I felt horrible. Why was that necessary?  Silence is my strength but you take it as an advantage.  I slowly sink to my lowest. You don’t deserve me. How do you know I’m not your best? Well, lets find out.